Morning Routine

When driving to work in the morning I share the pain, that many people do, of traffic and really long red lights. While waiting this morning, at a particularly long red light, I noticed this:

Let me zoom that for you:

Ah, yes, that says:

Februany 

Bighot 

Pastrami 

I would appreciate Subway not fucking with my mind as I had to contemplate if they meant to spell February wrong for about 5 minutes, which is (in)conveniently the time it takes to get that traffic light to change.

I could remember when I started spelling that the first "R" in February kinda snuck up on ya, but that last one was pretty fucking hard to miss. AND then I remembered that Subway is doing that ANY foot long promotion thing and decided that they aren't really THAT dumb.

Pronouncing Bighot Pastrami out loud, as I was doing all alone in my vehicle, makes for bigot pastromi, which I shall take no part in. No bigoted pastrami will ever come near MY mouth...but anything big and hot can. Oh yes...THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!

So all in all, my visit to the DeRenne/White Bluff intersection was filled with much contemplation. Can't say the same for the rest of the day!

Hope your Wednesday is going well!!!

Leia Mais…

Personal Phone Dictionary

Every now and then it becomes quite necessary to go through your personalized dictionary on your phone. You know when it it time when you get texts like this:

"Be mindil of flirtatious Indians" (from Larkin)

Which was supposed to read: 

"Be mindful of flirtations Indians"

Which by the way, has a great story attached to it, but is probably one of those things you had to be there to laugh at. 

Yep, I have thought about it, you had to be there.

So as not to have FUBAR texts like Larkin, I cleared out my phone's dictionary. 

Doing so really gives you insight into the hilarity of your texting life! Here is my dictionary as it stands now:

!!

!?

Abercorn

app

Arby

ass

Aw

bitch

Blogger

boobs**

boxer

Bro

camo

Congrats

Cookout

cuteness

dawgs

Deen

def

DeRenne

dern

Flintstones**

fuck

Fuck

fucking

gators

gmail

Gotcha

Heck

jiffy**

joss

karaoke**

KIA

kitter

Kiz

koozies**

Krystal

Larkin

LMAO

ma'am**

mugged

Netflix

Nevermind

nuff

Obama

Ohhh

Omg

Pimptastic**

Pinto**

pooping**

Rachelle

shit

shit!!!!!!**

shitty

Tailgate

TP

twat**

UGA

Walgreens

XOXO

y'all**

I know that is a long list, but it is soooo ever telling of EXACTLY how my texting conversations go AND with the people I have them with. (Krystal, Larkin, Rachelle...)

That is all I have for you today...XOXO y'all!

**Favorites

Leia Mais…

Looks Professional...But It's Just My Phone

A while back my friend Michelle introduced me to a free app called Little Photo. It makes cool pictures even cooler:

This was taken when me and Larkin were walking to our cars after work and looked up and noticed the pretty sun on an almost bare oak tree.

Have a GREAT weekend!!!

Leia Mais…

Wednesday!

Nothing too crazy has been going on around these parts, therefore, that leaves me at a lull in blogging. So I will leave you with some of the crazy texts I get from my mother. Preface: Mom told me I really needed to see Second Hand Lions. I told her I would order on Netflix as soon as possible. I get a text a few hours later: 

Mom: Did I say the move was Two Old Goats? 

Me: No, Second Hand Lions. 

Mom: Oh, that's it. No wonder I couldn't find it in Best Buy

While I am driving down the road last Friday, out of the blue, no preface here: 

Mom: What is that butt issue you have that starts with an f? 

Me: Fissure?

Mom: Yes. Thanks. 

That's it...nothing else. Just a "normal" 6:00pm text from my mom. 

Just to sum up, I don't actually have fissures, I have a completely different "butt issue" which is not near as interesting as fissures, which did, about 10 years ago, require that I get a colonoscopy. What I remember from that: horrible shit you have to drink, my butt cheeks falling asleep on the toilet from sitting there for hours on end and Demerol. Oh, how I love the Demerol. 

Glad we cleared all that up. 

Palate cleanser...my boss's new beagle puppies:

Good day my friends!

Leia Mais…

New Year! Again!

This new Blogger layout is tripping me out. I can't find shit. But that always happens when something changes and then after you use the "new" way a few times you completely forget about how the old way was. 

 Anyway, you know how people say, "Damn, no wonder I am sick...this weather..." and it is a pretty common misconception that the weather causes you to get sick. I guess it is sorta kinda true...really, the weather is just a conduit for disease. Some bacteria/virus grows better in the cold/heat, whatever. So anyway, even though I know the weather itself doesn't make me sick, WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE.

You see that there?!? 24 degrees and in three days we will be back up to 72 degrees. My theory is that our viruses and bacteria can't figure out where to thrive, so they double up and we get the ones that thrive in cold AND in heat.

So yeah, we are pretty much done for. I JUST got over strep throat and that head/chest cold thing where you sound like a Waffle House waitress for a couple weeks. Waffle House waitress also can translate into Old Trucker Who Has Smoked for 20 Years. They both sound the same and I was sounding pretty righteous myself.

Christmas was good. The New Year was unproductive. Krystal and I made a fire in her bad ass fire pit she built a couple weeks ago.

Have I mentioned brother Joseph and wife are going to be stationed at Tybee in June? Did I mention he found a house that is one street over from me? Did I mention I am ECSTATIC about this news?!?!?

In other news, this is what I paid for gas two weeks ago:

Thank you Kroger Plus card! I am now back to paying $3.18 a gallon, but that one fill up was totally great.

I decided to cash in my Wal-Mart/Sam's gift cards from my birthday and Christmas. This resulted in 101 rolls of toilet paper from Sam's. Also, five toothpastes, eight toothbrushes, a GIGANTIC bottle of shampoo and about thirty rolls of paper towels. There is nothing in this world I hate more than buying those items...so I decided to take care of toothpaste and toothbrushes for a year and a half, shampoo should be good for at least a year and as far as toilet paper and paper towels, I expect that will only last us a week and a half. LOL!

Have a wonderful day today!!!

Leia Mais…

December Post!

I realize it has been quite a while since I posted; for that, I apologize.

It has been completely hectic for two months. Hell, in just the last week it has been nuts!

A co-worker of mine went in a couple months ago to have a tumor removed from her brain. Was to be a fairly simple operation, but it has turned into two strokes and around 3 months in the hospital. They weren't even able to completely remove the entire tumor. It is going to be a long road of recovery for her, but I know she will pull through.

Last week, Krystal's mom was having sharp headache pains and after suffering with them for about three days, finally was convinced that she should have an MRI. They found that she had a stroke (albeit, an old one) and has some kind of enlarged artery thing in her head. She had surgery on Saturday and should be getting out of the hospital today. On top of all that news, she was also diagnosed with emphysema and lung disease. I guess they saw that when they were doing a head/chest MRI. Anyway, they are just wanting to fix the headaches for now.

In the meantime, we have been having some fun! We are still bowling on Thursdays and we also had an Ugly Christmas Sweater/Outfit Party and Larkin's birthday was this past weekend.

First, Ugly Christmas Sweater/Outfit Party:

Your eyes do not deceive you. We are wearing our Forever Lazy's. (P.S. Have I mentioned, NEVER order from that website...)

And then this weekend, we went over to Larkin and Paul's to celebrate with beer and fire...and Krystal was still wearing her Forever Lazy.

Leia Mais…

Want Something Yummy?

This is my Mammy's famous clam dip. As read in previous posts, Mammy passed away in October, but thankfully she e-mailed me the recipe to her clam dip a year or two ago.

1 clove of garlic

2 tsp lemon juice

18 oz pkg cream cheese

1/2 tsp salt

1 1/2 tsp Worcestershire

A dash of pepper

1 6.5 oz can minced claims; drained or chopped claims drained

1/4 cup clam broth

Rub small mixing bowl well with garlic that has been cut in half

In bowl blend well remaining ingredients

If thinnner dip is desired, add more clam broth

Makes about 2 cups

Eat with a sturdy potato chip...we like the Lays Wavey chips.

Seriously, this dip is to die for. Mammy used to make two double batches and hide the second double batch so we would go slow on the first. It still didn't last more than 15 minutes.

I prefer the chopped clams cause finding that giant clam in the dip is equivalent to finding treasure! So if you want a chunkier dip, holla at those chopped clams instead of minced.

Leia Mais…