This Was Actually Friday...

How do I do it? How does this happen to me?
Oh wait. I remember.

It started with "Hey! Do you want to join me and some friends at Hangfire?"

Me: OMG! I totally do! I can only stay for a few beers though.

Next thing you know, I have had 5 Stellas and a huge slice of pizza from Sweet Melissa's (the pizza joint next door to Hang Fire)

THEN, someone is all like "Oh let's go to Blaine's Back Door for karaoke!" (that someone was ME) OF COURSE they had all you can drink draft for $10! Really, how can you pass that up?!?

Not to mention to FANTASTIC karaoke selection and a pool table! Strangely, gay men do not like playing pool, so the pool table was ours all night! (We lacked any gay men, just lesbians and that crazy heterosexual couple, Larkin and Paul)

Needless to say I was still a little off balance yesterday morning when I woke up. Ahhh, the joys of youth!

My sluggishness was soon remedied with a WONDERFUL breakfast sandwich from the deli down the street. Ohhhhh it was greasy goodness! Once that was in I was good to go!

I went to Wal-Mart with The Office Mate at lunch yesterday and you would not BELIEVE what we saw!!! The mother truckin Weinermobile!!! TWO OF THEM! One was a mini weiner on a Mini Cooper and the other one just a normal size weiner, as far as Weinermobiles go!

Unfortunately, all I got was this picture to show for it.




I wouldn't get out of the car to stand in the middle of traffic at Wal-Mart to take a normal picture.

Seeing that there Weinermobile got me asking some questions though. How does one get the job of driving the Weinermobile? Do you have to get a special license to drive a hot dog? What kind of car is that hot dog made out of? How much fun would it be to pull up at your friends house in a giant weiner?

I did a little research and found some answers:

The drivers are mostly college graduates, some with degrees in advertising, others just have smashing personalities and the company hired them. Kraft states that "a big smile, great people skills, a colossal sense of humor, and a college degree" are required.

The drivers of the Weinermobile are called Hotdoggers.

There are up to six Weinermobiles on the road at any given time. (I personally saw the one names Bolonea and that Mini Cooper one today)

The bigger ones are built on a GMC chassis.

The Weinermobile's horn plays the Oscar Mayer Weiner song, complete with lyrics in 21 different genres from Cajun to Rap to Bossa Nova.

It seems that you just have to have a regular drivers license to drive it.

It would be VERY FUN to drive up to your friends house in one of those weiners!

Are YOU rich?

I have spent most of my day today trying to find myself missing money.

I know this is just plain silly because I never have any money and I certainly wouldn't have forgotten if someone owed me some money. That's right Landlords of mine on 112 Holts Ave...I haven't forgotten that you never gave me back my security deposit. You owe me $50.

That is a laugh...a security deposit of $50. That was BACK IN THE DAY! These days I am spending upwards of $1200 for a security deposit on top of pet deposits and every other fucking thing they want deposits.

Anyway, I did get around to checking my family for hidden riches. Turns out my Grandfather on my Father's side has some monies. My Grandfather on my Mother's side, his Mom (my Great Grandmother) has some monies unclaimed, an Aunt and an Uncle on Dad's side (His brother and wife) AND my friend Larkin and roommate Bobby both have claims! (Larkin has two, Bobby has three)

THEN there is an attorney in the office that has some monies AS WELL as my bosses Dad, who is a doctor.

WTF.

All I have to say is FINDERS FEE.

Body Art

As a big fan of tattoos and "body art" (as they call it) in general, I was intrigued to find this bit of publishing. The book is about professionals who have tattoos. Doctors, lawyers...you know, the type of people that you would never THINK would have tattoos - thanks to the general opinion about tattoos and the people who get them. As this book shows, that opinion is changing and the stereotype is well on its way out the door.

I think it would be a GREAT coffee table book. If only we had a coffee table. Why DO they call it a coffee table anyway? They should call it a foot table, cause that is what most of us do with it!

My general rule for my tattoos (five now) is that they need to be in places where I can hide them as well as in places that will not expand. i.e. pregnancy, weight gain, loss

This leaves me slightly limited in my space, though I have tattoos covering my lower back - this area will expand, but hopefully not to the detriment of the tattoos. I have two tattoos between my shoulder blades and one on my ankle right below the malleolus, which I just call "that knobby bone on the inside of our ankle".

As for piercings...too much looks like too much. Unlike tattoos where many tattoos can come together to look really great. For instance, this guy, who apparently really loves him some Nintendo. Great color, good flow of characters. I would rate that pretty bad ass on my tattoo rating scale. The subject matter isn't for me, but the artist did a phenomenal job!

Piercings on the other hand...



CRAZY.

I myself have 10 piercings. This may sound kinky, but most of them are in expected areas. Two on each ear lobe. Two on my left ear cartilage. One belly button, one tongue. And one for each of the lovely lady lumps. I hope my Mother isn't reading this. :)

Back to the subject at hand though...I am at the later part of Generation X and with the last little bit of Gen X growing into their late 20's we are going to see an exponential increase in scaring from earlier piercings, particularly the eyebrow and lebret piercings (not labia as I initially typed...OMG.) I am really looking forward to seeing all those tramp stamps sag and the color fade in our tattoos. Though many will have regrets, most of us will be reminded of a great time in our lives. I know I will.

My motto has always been that I will never look any better than I do today. Nobody looks good with wrinkles...may as well put a splash of color in! (Hit me up in 20 years and I will be sure to put another pic up of what those back tattoos look like then! :)

Eye of the Beer Holder

While I was waiting at the doctors office for this:



(Infected stye of the eye)

A lady sitting next to me told me that my hair reminded her of that lady on TV...what's her name...oh yeah, Kate...and she has all those kids. SUCCESS!

I told her that was exactly what I was going for and that she had just made my day!

Finally...after all the effort...

See this post and this post.

The Time Has Come...

For me to head back to that there knee doc. I get a new one this time. My previous doctors/surgeons were all in Macon. They had been seeing me and my knee since I was about 15 - the time of my first knee dislocation.

My first knee surgery was to remove a quarter size piece of bone that had chipped off when I dislocated my knee. I kept that bone for a long time. It was just interesting. I think I eventually threw it away...either that or my mother has it. She is known to keep such things.

The second knee surgery was to replace the missing bone...this surgery happened almost 5 years later. It was a new technique and basically they punched holes where the bone was missing and then went and got tubular bone grafts from my thigh bone. They placed the punched out bone into the holes they made, and presto chango, my bone grew together and created new bone!

The third surgery required that I get a distal realignment for my patellar subluxations. Basically, they took two screws and bolted down the tendon that holds my knee cap in place so it too would quit sliding off its track.

Very painful. That was the worst of all the surgeries.

WELL NOW, I need to have those screws taken out. My bone has decided it doesn't like them anymore, so it is pushing it out of the bone. This in and of itself doesn't particularly hurt, but when I accidentally hit my knee, even just a little, it is quite painful. Very similar to hitting your funny bone, except imagine your funny bone with a screw that is screwed into your elbow joint and vibrates and sends pain all the way to your shoulder. About the same feeling.

I am excited to see my new doctor though...he is young and probably full of crazy youthful antics (those crazy kids!) As a matter of fact...here is a picture of him:



I didn't get her:



but apparently she is the pain management field. Do I feel a pain coming on...? Why yes, right there...I think I do...

Two In One Day!!

I find it deeply disturbing (ok, not really) that all of my friends are having babies. I have known no LESS than 10 people that have given birth in the last year. I know THREE that are due by the end of THIS year.

Because of the mini baby boom in my life, I have been subject to view, on any given day, at least 3 baby outfits/accessories.

I can ohhh and ahhhh with the best of them! Those lil outfits are nothing but adorable and those cute little socks (The Office Mate has a serious addiction when it comes to socks and booties...her lil granddaughter will never want for socks. Except for when she is about 6 months old, because all The Office Mate bought her was socks that will fit during the first 3.7 second of life. TINY.)

Back to the subject at hand. Babies. Booties. SHOES. I am all about being a whore. If that is what you want to do, go on with your whore self and do your whore things and I will laugh at your whorish ways and rather enjoy myself doing so.

But to force your CHILD, your new born lil bundle of joy, to be a whore. NOT. COOL.

Exhibit "A"



Your eyes deceive you not! Those are, indeed, high heel shoes for your fresh, out of the oven, baby girl.

Now, the creators of these hooker shoes for kids called them Heelarious, therefore, I believe they created them to be funny. At least that is what I am hoping.

You know what they remind me of?

Those foot binding shoes those poor old Japanese women used to wear.

Hello Blog, My Old Friend.

Basically, I don't have much to write about!

We moved into a fabulous new place here in Savannah...it is huge! I love it! Our petting zoo is finally in place as well. Because we now have a WONDERFUL roommate, Bobby, we have increased our animal population 150%.

Let us count:

4 Ferrets (Me and Krystal)
5 Ferrets (Bobby)

Total: 9 Ferrets

3 Cats (Me and Krystal)
2 Cats and a kitten (Bobby)

Total: 5 Cats and one kitten (going to a new home this week)

3 Geckos (Bobby)
Countless Fish (Bobby)

Total: 3 Geckos and Countless Fish

Soon to be added: a frog tank with one frog

We are currently charging a 6 pack of beer or monetary donations that go TOWARD a six pack of beer (or 12, 18 or 24) OR you can just come over and marvel at the amount of animals we have. We are constantly amazed ourselves.

Thankfully our pimp palace is large enough that the ferrets have their own room and the cats spread out evenly about the over 1,300 sq ft space. That basically translates that they each have a pile of fur on each sofa from laying in their respective places all day.

SPEAKING of fur...Furmintator. I waited until my friend Larkin bought one for her dogs...went over and checked it out...and DAMN! I am ordering mine as soon as I have more than $2.00 to my name! That thing was AWESOME! Am I paying $45.00 for that thing? HELL NAW! E-Bay and Amazon bitches! I can get one for about $18.00! It is guaranteed to reduce shedding better than any brush, rake or comb. I don't have dogs...and when I first read that part about a rake, I was quite confused. I went and looked it up.

Whew!

Well, I have written about a whole lot of nothing...I will try and come up with something a little more thought provoking in the future.

Bye kids!

It's Not A Laptop...BUT

I WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Beat YOUR ASS PUNK!!

I won, I won, you didn't, haha...

What did I win you ask?!

This POS...I mean, beautiful rare print...only 100 made apparently, of Savannah's Riverwalk.

I am very excited.

Jesus I am retarded.