I am not sure where this blog is going to go, but I do need to share this with you:
Do you know who that is?! That was Freddie Mercury's birth name. Crazy. The man was born on the Island of Zanzibar. Sweet.
Anyway, so there are moments in life that confuse me. Like this picture:
I am all like, "Oh that is a pretty cute chick right there" and then it turns out to be a boy named Bill. (lead singer in Tokio Hotel) Seriously. Confused. Can you imagine all the sexually confused people out there...lesbians thinking they are straight, straight guys thinking they are gay. How dare he go all David Bowie on our asses and confuse us with his androgynous ways.
I listened to a few of their tunes. Eh. I guess they are OK...but they didn't really tweak my musical interests...and I really like all kinds of music.
I love me some B Spears...Miss Thang has always had it goin on...I don't give a shit what you say. So there. Wanna fight about it?! Oh, speaking of fighting, Pink - "So What". Fabulous "let's get crunk" song.
New Years: will be spent on the beach. It is going to get down to 32 though. Not particularly excited about THAT, but who cares. Fireworks, beach, karaoke, beer, good friends. FUN.
OK, gotta go. Love ya, mean it.
30 December 2008
I am not sure where this blog is going to go, but I do need to share this with you:
29 December 2008
So, in downtown Savannah this morning, some manholes had some flames coming out of them. (That’s what HE said) (LMAO!)
No, butt (HA) really, we did have some exploding manholes this morning. The cause is still unknown, but what I DO know is that this is 1) the second time this has happened this year. The first time it was the cause of a blown underground transformer (more than meets the eye) (gawd, I think my ADD is really kicking in today) and 2) this is right next to where we sing karaoke down on Bay Street.
Larkin brought up a fantastic point: could you imagine our drunk asses leaving Bay Street Blues one night and seeing flames shooting from the manholes?! I can’t stop laughing just thinking about it!
“DUDE! Do you see what I see?” (not to be confused with “Do you hear what I see?”…which is a whole nutha story)
“Oh.my.gah! How did you DO that?!?”
“My magical karaoke singing has set Savannah on FIYA!”
Larkin got new glasses, which resulted in her taking 3 million pictures of herself with her new camera, with her new glasses on.
I told her if she didn’t stop with that damn camera flash I was going to have a seizure.
She told me to make me seizure face.
Yes, that is a 12 pack of Hoegaarden. Late Christmas gifts are always accepted. Especially in beer form.
Yes, that is me actually working.
23 December 2008
Upon complaining that I didn’t want to be at work today, I was instructed by the new office mate, Larkin, to “fucking shut up and write a blog or something”.
I told her I didn’t have anything to write about…so let it be known, I don’t. I shall just go with some stuff off the top of my head.
Why does Billy Mayes always yell? Every time he comes on the TV he is about to bust a gut. I was told once, by my Dad I think, that Mr. Mayes was known to be quite the ladies man. I looked it up on Wikipedia, which as we all know, is the Bible of the internet, but found nothing about his personal life. Give me time, give me time. BUT, I do now know that he lives in Florida in a $1.5 million home that was built in 2005.
Speaking of amazing products…let me tell you about some products that I believe are must haves:
Downy Wrinkle Releaser
My kids will probably never learn how to iron because of this God/Buddha/Jehovah/Muhammad/Whoeverthefuck sent blessing. It is the most amazing thing I have ever had in my laundry product line up.
BTW, I concurred with the crew (Larkin, Paul, Krystal and Bobby) that our new dryer sheets smell like our favorite stripper. I had secretly been sniffing them on my own, but decided to share the delight with others. I was very thankful when they agreed.
We have pets. A plethora of them. This is BY FAR the most amazing product on the planet when it comes to cleaning up any kind of pet odor/mess/anything.
Crazy (soon to be dead) cat pees on your rug? No prob, Bob…toss some of this in with the laundry…cat pee smell gone! Go buy some. Amazon has the best deal.
You know what I forgot to write about? The Vaginal Trashcan.
Perhaps you should quit reading if you don’t like words like, vaginal, trashcan, period, hooker cheese, shit, fuck, cum dumpster, your momma…you know, any thing like that…still here? Ok, continue:
So, a certain work associate of mine (LARKIN) brought in a new product which claims to be an alternative to tampons. Instead is the name of it. You can peep it here.
I HIGHLY suggest you watch the video. Reading the directions didn’t do much for me, and I have a fucking vagina for ovaries sake! After I watched the video I proclaimed to Larkin that they should just say, “Shove this here gigantic, short, condom looking thing right up behind your pelvic bone…you know, where your G spot is, do a little wiggle and a stretch and that sucker is in like flynn.”
I can tell you this: I didn’t feel a damn thing! I loved it! AND that little fucker can stay in there for 12 hours! Do you know how much cheaper that is than buying tampons?!? (I about shit a brick every time I have to go and buy those lil bound up cotton crammers. $8!! EIGHT FUCKING DOLLARS!) But these lil doodles are pretty jam up! Con: pulling it out. It does not absorb. It catches. Other con: non-flushable.
So I guess it all comes down to what you are comfortable with. I am personally pretty fucking comfortable with my body. I have been living with it for some time. Me and my cho cha are tight. Men may not understand…some women still have a problem with it…but let’s face it…it is a natural part of a woman’s life. It isn’t bile. It isn’t shit. It is that substance (not beer) that makes up 10-12 pints of liquid in your body. So, basically what I am trying to say is that I have no problem taking my vaginal trashcan out and I highly suggest it for those of you that might be looking for a something a little different.
Thank you for tuning into Jessica’s ramblings today!
22 December 2008
I have a few weekend pictures to share! (As usual)
This weekend consisted of:
Friday night – Live Wire, Savannah Smiles (a dueling piano bar), Mercury Lounge and karaoke at Bay Street Blues.
Paul and Larkin.
Brian, Justin, Shaun came from Statesboro (1 hour up the road) and also invited down their friend Viv (who actually lives in Savannah)
Live Wire pictures:
My redneck pose.
This may be fuzzy, but it makes me laugh...WTF?
I like this one because Larkin is trying to take an awesome self portrait and then you have us retards in the back, fucking it up, as usual.
Not really fond of this photo...I don't think either of us were ready for the picture.
Learning the way of the darts.
Savannah Smiles pics:
Larkin gets some smooches from yours truly!
Paul and Larkin
My tongue. Paul's head.
Singing or kissing...not sure which one.
We contemplated if this would fit in either mine or Larkin's purse. I want him.
One of the piano players.
Mercury Lounge pics:
Justin, Krystal, Me
Justin and Viv
Bay Street Blues pics:
We only have two and they are both of me cleaning up Larkin's spilled beer. I am actually surprised that I didn't fall over.
Saturday night – The Distillery (new bar in town…very cool place) and Live Wire.
Andy, Krystal and myself…and we soon joined up with Leslie and Mike.
While at Live Wire we ran into Angela, who is an Associate at my firm. GOOD TIMES. No pictures to prove it though...oh well.
P.S. It will be 78 degrees here on Christmas! We are going to have a Christmas picnic in the park. Sorry for all you that will be freezing. I might even go down to the beach! Christmas at the beach sounds lovely!!
18 December 2008
I am a celebrator of the birthdays…I just love me a freakin birthday! It bothers me when people are like, “Oh, I am so old” or “No, I don’t want to celebrate my birthday, gaahhh”. We are here to celebrate life! Getting to that 365th day of becoming a year older is quite significant!
So yesterday was Larkin’s birthday. We went to the local pub and had us some beer and sang some karaoke! Naturally, we have many pictures to commemorate!
First, let us introduce all the players:
Me (and a ghost?)
Christine and LJ
(not pictured, Robert and Beverly…they left early)
We sang and sang and sang and sang....
And danced and danced and danced...
I love how we both have the same "Woo" face here! Hilarious!
Backin dat azz up!
Break it on down, break it on down!
Pics that make me giggle:
Two pounds of beef you say? (inside joke) and me doing my Kathy Griffin.
Always...the boob action.