18 April 2009

Everybody Does It!

We are going to talk about poop, because frankly, we just don’t talk enough about it here.

I have at least two poops a year that are noteworthy. Yesterday was one of them. I had such a monumental poop that I actually FELT my body cavity shrink.

I am a once a day pooper, if I am lucky, twice.

In my discussions with friends I have found that the pooping range is anywhere from once a day to a horrifying once every three days!

I also have a friend that has pooping issues when on vacation and once held it for FIVE DAYS. Not only would I be in pain, my bitch level would go off the charts. Having a good poop actually alters my mood. And makes my back feel better.

So considering I poop at least once a day, I am not sure when yesterday’s poop had time to percolate. Since it is only kosher to send pictures of your poop to your very best of friends (or friends that are unsuspecting) I will demonstrate with this photo:

Our large intestine is like 4 feet long and from what I witnessed, this bad boy occupied 1/4th that space.

Sticking with tradition, after a few brews of various sorts, we inevitably revert back to talking about poop. At our next meeting I am going to ask “Who wipes sitting down and who wipes standing up?” I will be sure to inform you of the results.

Lastly, and mostly because this post contained the word (or a variation thereof) no less than 11 times: “Where did the word “poop” originate?” Well, I must, of course, refer to my most trusted pooping source, Smelly Poop.com from which we get this answer:

According to Eric Partridge in his excellent book of word origins (Origins: A Short Etymological Dictionary of Modern English), "poop" comes from the Middle English word poupen or popen, and it originally meant "fart." The word was based on the sound of a fart. According to Robert Chapman, author of American Slang, "poop" came into use with its current meaning around 1900.

So next time you are making bum brownies in the toilet, you will have that lil tid bit to mull over in your cranium.

11 comments:

Bee and Rose said...

I cannot make a coherent comment because I am completely cracking up!

Middle Aged Woman said...

Pretty sure I cleared 1/3 this morning.

Captain Dumbass said...

I have a poop related question. How is it that toilet lids in public rest rooms (for the most part) could survive a nuclear holocaust but the brand new ones on my brand new toilets are already falling off? I don't even weigh 200 pounds and it's not like I'm doing the twist on them or anything. WTF?

Jess said...

Bee - happy to make your day!

MAW - I would totally love to give you a high five right now. I am totally trying to bring that back anyway. Patting people on the ass is a little weird...unless of course I am at the bar, then it is ok.

Capt D - I am going to tell you my theory...it is all about the connective part of the seat to the toilet. If the said piece is plastic and the part inside the plastic is metal the chances of breakage is inevitable. Metal hinges and metal screws that go into the toilet are the way to go.

jerlyn said...

I will never look at poop the same
way again! (not that I spend much
time looking at it!)

Jess, I think you need to get out
more. Usually poop discussion involve much older people, who feel
free to discuss it in detail, even
in restaurants.

Jess said...

Jerlyn - I am just practicing!! PS my morning constitution wasn't near as exciting today.

Justin said...

Hey

Rebecca Anne said...

This is my story.
I was innocently cruizin the super blog highway, link jumping around and I came across this journal....they say making a first good impression is important.....well I'm here to say, this was an IMPRESSION!! LOL hilarious and a fantatic first visit.
I'm off to read down the page because if this was my first impression, I can't wait for a few more.......
Rebecca

Jess said...

Rebecca - I am glad that you dropped by!! Hope you stay around a while!

Mama Dawg said...

One of my friends has a rule that if you use the bathroom in her house you have to look up a fact in this book she keeps in the pooper room. You are not allowed to leave the bathroom until you find a fact.

Instead of using the book next time, I'm gonna throw out your little tidbit and see how that goes over!

Squirty said...

Ohhh I am so glad you brought this up. Pooping needs to be discussed openly. Otherwise people develop poop anxiety, and that my friend, is a great source of pain and distress.

Congrats on pinching off a trophy winner!