So us peeps at the house have been watching a little bit of the new show called Sister Wives on TV.
It is like watching a midget stripper do a keg stand...you just can't turn your head.
These woman are not your typical oppressed looking polygamist looking women; they wear fashionable clothes, don't look drab, wear make-up (though one of them needs some SERIOUS how-to put on make-up tips) and appear relatively "normal".
Ah, that word again..."normal".
It has prompted a discussion about how we all felt about polygamy and whether or not it compares to how people feel about gays and lesbians getting married.
They could (and may) use many of the reasonings gays and lesbians do:
"We should be able to love whomever we want"
"We aren't hurting anyone"
"We raise our children in a very loving home"
Still, I just could NOT imagine sharing my partner with ANYONE. And on top of that, I am having a hard time understanding the religious meanings behind it. Something to do with having as many wives and children here so that when you (the man) gets to heaven, you are king of your own little area and the more wives and children you have here, the more awesome you are there. Yeah, something like that.
AND THEN, that brings me to the pimp of all pimps, Hugh Hefner. The Hef has, for DECADES, kept multiple women...and no one really blinks an eye. I TOTALLY watched the show back when Holly, Bridget and Kendra were the talk of the town. I had the same reaction as I do about polygamy, mixed with the typical "Money: How to Get Hot Women to Have Sex With Your Wrinkled Dick Self"
POINT BEING, if it isn't religiously backed, people don't seem to think anything of it. I can only assume it is because WE know that THESE chicks know they are going to get money, sex, rock n' roll and move on with their lives. It is basically just something to boost their career, in the meantime, that genius Hef gets to boost his...well, you know.
Back to the show...the actual Sister Wives show...where do we draw the line?
Do we ask the law to change for gays and lesbians to remove the "man and woman" part of the marriage law and make it say "two humans"?
Do we make room for the polygamist movement and allow the law to say marriage is between one man and as many wives as he wants? Or how about if a woman wanted to be polygamist?
I need some opinions here.
12 comments:
I watched that show a couple times. They do seem completely "normal" except there are 3 or 4 of them.
There are a number of people who practice a polyamorous lifestyle. There are some interesting blogs out there where these people (mostly women) write about their experiences. The one I read most often is happily married with one child and after 10 years of marriage they opened their marriage. They both regularly date and have each had several long-term relationships while still having their own relationship.
I'm not open for trying it myself. I think it would take a very strong and honest relationship to make it happen successfully. I do find it humorous that politicians spend so much time attacking the gay community over marriage when there are so many types of relationships and "marriages" out there and starting to live more openly.
Mel - I am aware of people who have polyamorous lifestyles...but am also under the impression that they don't want to marry said people, they are just in love with more than one.
I think it is the fact that you are REQUIRED, by that relationships standards, is odd. Obviously it works for them.
There are so many marriages that end because someone was unfaithful and it is weird that some people practice such things on purpose!
Ok so my opinion is totally going to come from a biological standpoint. Humans are one of 5% of mammals who are 'social monogamists'. Meaning, we basically mate for life but have a few flings before we settle down. Research shows that we were created/evolved this way like the other animals in our bracket...for the betterment of the offspring.
I saw one chick interviewed and she became uber defensive when asked if she minded that herb hubby was sleeping with another woman in the next room. Her defensiveness appeared to be hiding the fact that she really did mind. Also...remember how Holly was always a little jealous of Heff with the other girls? I just don't think it is possible to be totally happy in that type of relationship.
But then again....it's totally up to the individual to decide if they are happy, ya know? I'll just stick to the scientific answer ;)
Jes - the Bobz and I were discussing the scientific view of this at lunch today. We noted that multiple animals mate for life, however, they lack the level of cognizant thinking that we have, which allows us to understand various levels of a relationship and that it can encompass many variations.
That being said, I think it is absolutely against nature to want to share...period. We see that in toddlers all the way to adulthood. (Obviously I wouldn't beat someone up over a wooden block these days, but you better back up off my beer, ya heard! LOL)
All that being said, I can't help but notice that I keep saying that kind of relationship just "shouldn't be" or "can't be" and that is EXACTLY what is said about my relationship with Krystal.
Where is it different? I can't understand why I feel so odd about their relationships and can completely explain mine! :)
Jes - **Difference
The real question is not how many wives should a man eb allowed, but how many cooking shows should be allowed on TV! There are too many. I am hungry nearly all the time now!
Thanks for posting this. It has been something that i have been thinking about and it has been naggin me a little...
I have always just thought polygamy is wrong, but like you said, all the same defenses we use to defend gay marriage kind of apply to polygamy.
The GF and I started dicussing it the other night. She said there are agruments about how that type of relationship is harmful. I will have to ask her for specifics on what those arguments are. She is a sociologist...
Sorry I have been no great source of enlightenment, but I will get back to you.
I have been watching that program as well. I suffered through 2 1/2 hours of it the other night to find out what the big bombshell was... only to find out that he helped pick out wife #4's wedding dress. Who the hell cares. lol
The thing is... they aren't legally married, are they? If polygamy is illegal then they can't be legally married because the state wouldn't issue marriage licenses? So if they aren't all legally married where's the problem?
GF had a moment to send me a quick and dirty email about some views (not necesarily her own) on polygamy.
The basic idea is that it harms women and children in these families. On the basic level of resource distribution the assets/resources/income of the husband is divided among several women and their kids, meaning each woman and kid gets less than they would if it was a 2 person marriage. Then there is the emotional/social sharing of the male partner, less time can be spent with each spouse and her kids when one man is divided between multiple families.
There is also a big question about how "voluntary" the relatiinships really are, the history of ploygamous families involes many cases of very young women who come from poor circumstances. Its also argued that these relationships foster competition among women. Really is a very patriarchal approach to relationships where the man benefits from multiple partners and the women have to share on man. Now in many traditional polygamous relationships the man is supposed to financially support all the wives, but there's also a lot of variation inthe degree to which that happens. Polygamy, I believe, has been more common in societies where there is a shortage of men (e.g. After a war) and women had to share a man, because it would be so hard for her to survive on her own.
Deb - no, they are not legal married, so there are no laws technically being broken I guess. All the same, since they have commitment ceremonies and shit, I am assuming they would like the law to say that they could be legally married...or maybe they don't! Imagine getting 6 divorces at once! LMAO! Hilarity!
Squirty - thanks for sharing your thoughts and those thoughts of the GF...I can certainly see how there would be a strain with the children and on the women to share. It appears though, from the Sister Wives show, that everyone supports themselves and the only common ground is having the husband. They appear to just want a large, supportive family...which is all good and shit, but sharing ONE man between everyone. Just seems like he is a major douche!
I can see instances where polygamy was needed...like the GF said, after war and such...and of course at the beginning of civilization(s), but these days, it is not necessary...it is only done for religious purposes, which is the part of what is so weird to me. The REASONING behind it. I am all about living in 2010 and not kicking it back to the day and having to share!
Very, very interesting indeed!
I wouldn't share and do believe on some level it has to be emotionally damaging to the women all while feeding the man's ego.
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